~The Hospital~

Ever been in the hospital
If you haven't
TRY NOT TO GO
And if you have
Then you already know



I'm gonna say....
right off the bat.....
Just leave your dignity
at the front door
Your modesty too
'Cause you won't have any left
when they're through with you



The first thing ....
They hand you a little gown
You will not win any awards
for best dressed in town



"Put the ties in the back"
they say
This is what I have found
And I tell you this
with the deepest conviction
DO NOT TURN AROUND



That's right
Keep your back to the wall
These gowns are a little "breezy"
as I recall



Nighttime......
Soundly sleeping just like a baby
Nurse wakes me up.....
I was all comfy in my bed
Is it something important
she needs to do
NO......
She is there to give me
a SLEEPING PILL instead!!



Makes sense, huh?
I was ALREADY asleep
She woke me up
Now I'm laying there
counting sheep



You need good food
to regain your strength
What do they bring you?
Some kind of concoction
that tastes exactly like glue



OH....
Heaven help you
if you must use a bedpan
Start ringing the nurse
an hour BEFORE you need it
I'm tellin' it to you straight
'Cause if you wait
She'll bring it too late



And if you do get it in time
They never come to take it away
Nope.....
leave you sittin' on this thing
for half the day



This is my hospital tale of woe
It is true.....
they are only thinkin'
about what's best
But you need to go home
if you want to get any rest


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